Alight, that is it..I'M PISSED OFF!

Yea, Halloween in Athens. Big fucking deal.

Pricks from around the nation descend on this already overcrowded little town and proceed to screw everything up and dump all their trash for us to clean up. On top of this some Goddammedpigfuckingsonofbitchingworthlesspeiceoftrash, stole the cover off of my motorcycle. They stole a fricking rain cover. Ohhh, big cool factor there. Bet for an encore you swipe stacks of your local free newspaper, hu? Well guess what! If I EVER find my cover in Athens on someones bike, I hope my friends will pool their change and bail me out of jail for what I will do to that person. I’ll not go into graphic detail here, lets just quote a movie shall we? Pain…Lots of Pain.

Now, at first I was not that mad. Okay, no biggie. Well, I just had to drop 80 bucks on a replacement and ya know it just kinda got to me after a while. Lets see now, that makes one wind chime, one broken mirror, one dented car door, and now a motorcycle cover. Yea, I got an idea for next Halloween. I am going to go as a psychotic killer lurking in the bushes on Mound Street, say around number 50. Armed of course.



And if by some weirdness of the cosmos, whomever stole it does read my blog I have this for you:



You are a thief and a coward,

A poltroon of the worst order,

I curse you and the nearest 5 generations of your family,

I curse your parents; because it is their fault you are the way you are

I curse your siblings for letting be such an idiot in public,

I curse your grandparents for not teaching your parents to bring you up with at least the social responsibility the gods gave a slug,

I curse your children to treat you as you have treated others,

And I curse your grandchildren so they may revisit all your evils upon you a second time, since the will be so far removed from your control.

But, even with this I offer you a blessing:

May your life be long and your offspring be many.

This way, my revenge will last.



If you did take it, I would really advise you to return it for your own sake. No questions asked, just leave it on the porch. Then, having made an effort to correct your error, I would revoke all I have wished upon you with the exception of the blessing.



If in doubt, just remember one thing:

The gods like me, else I would have never lasted this long.

Can you say the same thing?

Horror Movies

Hi, my name is Bryian. I have a movie problem.

(Hi Bryian!)

Yea, like this is news to anyone!



Anyway, last night I seem to have completed my classic horror

movie collection. I got a 2-disk set of Creature from

The Black Lagoon. All Right! What can I say; I love the old

horror movies. Not that they seem truly scary, compared to our

lives today, but when viewed from a historical perspective they

bring out some of our more base reaction. We watched

The Mummy last night. No, not the new one, but the original with

Boris Karloff. Man, what an actor. If you consider some of

the long list of roles he played he is something. Most people

do not know this but he was not listed as Boris Karloff on the

movie posters for this one. Surprise! He was listed as Karloff

the Incomparable. Cool, hu? He was one of the last of a

generation of great actors who were known only by their last

name. At least he was never called ‘squiggle’, the actor

formerly known as Karloff the Incomparable. Now why do I

like Karloff? Simple, he was a great physical actor. He would

sit for hours in makeup to do a 2 minute scene with no lines

and then have to spend several painful hours trying to get it

all off, but, if you want classic style and presence there is

only one; Bella Lugosi.

If you have yet to see Ed Wood, crawl out from under your

rock and get a copy as it is now on DVD. While the movie does

focus on Ed, there is a great amount about Bella in the later

years of his life.

So moving right along, it is still early and the day has yet

to completely blow up. Keep your fingers crossed and lets hope

it is nothing more than a pop.

Return of "The Package From Hell"

Well, it finally arrived on the 18TH of October. It traveled more than 4000 miles on the great trek, amassing more than two times the mileage on my bike before it arrived. As you can see from the picture below, it looks it as well. Since when did UPS sort packages with a baseball bat? Needless to say there were things missing from the package. No horn or muffler bracket. I am surprised it actually made it with the crash bar intact.







So, now the story continues.

Since there were parts missing I called Upstairs Downstairs, my closest dealer. I talked to Jason again who said he would take care of it. I must say he has gone above and beyond the call of duty to make this fiasco work out. If anyone from U/D reads this, thank him again for me. And if it is the owner of U/D who reads this, give this guy a raise, he makes you look real good!



So, with it pouring down rain for day number 3, I still have yet to install the bar, nor investigate what the rattle in the top end of the motor is. Oh well, I did want a bike I could work on.



I did see something last night as we were leaving Ohio University last night, there in the motorcycle parking lot looked to be a 500ES. I’ll have to go check it out. Woo Hoo another Enfield in Athens. With the guy I talked to recently who just bought a 350; that will make 3! Just a few more and we will have enough to make the Beemer riders jealous. We have a lot of people who drive “Classic” BMW’s here, somewhere in the area of like 10 to 15. Now that may not seem like much, but when the towns population is like 30 thousand when school is in session, it is a pretty good ratio.

The "Package-From-Hell" update

Like all stories that make you cringe, this one

starts out the same...



Guess what?



Apparently the UPS Operator who read me back the

address and zip code TWICE somehow got the zip code

 wrong on the label that was attached to the

"package-from-hell". From Minnesota it went to

Petoskey, Michigan. Wow, that is the closest it has

 gotten so far. Of course, this has now delayed the

delivery yet another 4 days.



Oh joy, oh rapture...



When can I become justified in climbing into the local

 clock tower and shooting all the little brown trucks?

 Not the drivers, just the trucks.



I'll use a paintball gun, I promise.

Awww, FUCKSTICKS!!!!!

Okay, two posts in one day.Why this title, as stolen from my friend, The Fish? Simple, I just spent 20 minutes freaking out on blogger trying to figure out why all my archives vanished and my latest post (The one before this one) seemed to disappear...

Answer, I was reloading the /wrong/ page. It was a comment page I was reloading.

So far this week:

New cellphone screws the pooch.

Parts for bike enroute to Timbuktu.

Laced 100 scales wrong on new armor, had to redo them.

Back hurts and mood is complete crap, still.

Stabbed self in finger with scredriver, nasty puncture wound.

And it is only tuesday....awww Fucksticks!

I posted this today to my Royal Enfield group

Sit back and let me tell you a little tale about parts for

my bike.



Now, those who know me can tell you I am, to an extent, a

patient man, sometimes to a fault. But, even I have a limit,

especially when I get involved in what could best be termed

a comedy of errors. The very sad part of this is that it is

not at all funny.



Let us use the wayback machine and go back to late August,

around the 25 or so. I had been out riding and had stopped for

a cup of coffee at my favorite haunt. As usual, my bike (2k4

ES Military) was a people magnet. After the usual spate of

questions and answers, one old Triumph rider says to me “Hey,

did you know you have a busted muffler bracket and your

butterfly bar is broken?” I blinked in surprise and then

kneeled down to check it out. Sure enough, cracked in 2 places,

right on the welds. The muffler bracket seemed to bust due to

vibration. “No biggie..” I thought, I have a warranty.



Fast forward a few days and I zap an email off to Dan at DRS.

In his usual style we have all grown to respect he was right on

top of things, referring me to Classic to get it replaced. What

a great guy! When it passes from Dan to others is where the

true fiasco begins.



I call Classic and talk to Terry (Or is it Terri, I don’t know)

who says she needs a dealer to fill out the warranty paperwork

online. Should be no problem. Call Upstairs/Downstairs, since they are my closest dealer. So, I call U/D and talk to a person there in the parts department that takes all my info, ect. Says he will get right on it and I should have my parts in a few days, being that MN is not that far from where I am in Ohio, generally speaking.



Fast forward now 2 weeks time, still no parts or word. I call back U/D and talk to Jason. He says the person I talked to before no longer works there and that there is nothing about a parts order for me. Sigh, okay, let us try this again. Name, address, fast drive with him on the cell with me to get the bikes serial number. A small muttered prayer and we hang up.



Fast forward again, to the third week in September. No parts. I

call again and Jason, to his credit, works hard on finding out

what happened. Apparently, Classic shipped them, but they

disappeared into the ether known as UPS. Okay, here we go again. Name, address, serial number, I am beginning to feel like a prisoner of war at this point. Jason gets Classic to ship again. Should be delivered to me by October 4.



Now move into October. The fourth comes and goes, no parts. I call on the sixth back to U/D and talk to Jason. Okay, something fishy is going on here. He calls Classic, and then calls me back. My parts are held up by UPS, as they need an address correction to be able to deliver them. UPS says they are going to send me a postcard so I can send them the corrected address. Um, correct me if I am wrong, but if they can send me a post card, why can’t they deliver my parts?



So, 2 more phone calls later, I get the UPS tracking number and call UPS. While waiting on hold I decide to track my parts and find they are in Butte, MT. How the heck do you get BUTTE MONTANA out of ATHENS OHIO???? But above all, I am still calm, no really. They say the address will be corrected and they parts will arrive on the 12 day of October. I call back Jason and let him know. He is a shocked and amazed as I am. He suggests calling Terry (Or Terri) at Classic and getting the address corrected. So I do and sure enough, they have it listed as Butte, MT. They have the right street and house number, wrong city, state and zip. We get that corrected. I am totally amazed at this point as to how Classic shipped to the wrong address, when in February, they shipped to me my accessories package with out a single problem, in 2 days, to

the right address in Ohio.



So here we are, 12 October and being someone who likes to hedge his bets, I decide this morning to track the package, in a vain hope that it will say “Out for Delivery”. Well, so much for that great idea. The package apparently went back to Minneapolis, MN. Classic is in Fairbault, MN. According to UPS, it got left on the dock in Minneapolis. Now they say 14 October for a delivery. By the time I get these parts, they will have more miles on them than my bike!



Okay, so now I have to admit I am p*ssed. Not the good English type of multi pint induced p*ssed either. It has now become more of a grumpy old junkyard hound been swatted by a cat in the nose while sleeping, hair standing up, teeth bared kind of psychotic rage.



The worst part of that is, whom can I be mad at? Jason? Nope, he has done everything he could to try and make they system work and then some. Classic? I don’t know, but they seem to be trying to get this to work. They went with the info they had, wherever it came from, so they did what appeared to be right, UPS? Nope, they just followed the labels on the box. Although I can be kind of mad for them leaving my box on the dock. There is nothing worse than being angry and having no one but the universe itself to blame.



So next time your upset it has taken 2 weeks to get your parts, I would direct your attention to an old phrase:

“There, but for the grace of god, go I”

I got this scroll in the mail today....

Or how about this?????



Dear Sir,



SEEEKING FOR IMMEDIATE ASSISTANCE (TRANSFER OF 20.5MILLION GP).



It is my pleasure to request your assistance on this business proposition, which if pursued to its conclusion, will be of great benefit to both of us. This request may seem strange but I will crave your indulgence and pray that you view it seriously. My name is Mr. Samson Amu of Greyhawk .I was one of the close aides to the late Prince of Greyhawk, LAURENT KABILA of blessed memory, may his soul rest in peace.



Due to the military crisis and instability in my country, I was instructed by him (late Prince KABILA) to come to the Lordship Of The Isles with the sum of 20.5 MILLION GP (Twenty Million, Five Hundred Thousand Gold Pieces) for safe keeping and to search for a foreign Affiliate/Partner who will be able to help us invest this capital in any profitable business venture. This money is presently deposited in a private security finance company in the Lordship Of The Isles.



I need a reliable and Trustworthy foreign partner like you who can assist me to move this money as the beneficiary. My inability to move the money out of the Lordship Of The Isles all this while lies on my lack of trust on our supposed Goods friends whom have suddenly became hostile to those of us who have worked with Prince Kabila, since his son Joseph Kabila took over Office.



Though we have not seen nor met each other, but I would want this transaction to be properly handled with modesty and honesty to a huge success within two weeks, this money in question is state fund as it is a DEAL between you and I, Hence the need for secrecy considering the security implications. Thus, if you can assist me to move this fund out of the Lordship Of The Isles, you will be entitled to 30% of the amount, while the remaining 70% will be for me. Please contact me through a Mage as stated above for further discussion.



Please also note that you will be required to assist me in any profitable area of investments in your country.



I shall be sincerely glad if my request is rendered, for am really counting on you for your help.



Kindest Regards,

Mr. Samson Amu.



Yea, it came from my twisted little brain. If ya use it, just credit it to me :)