Happy Cinco De Mayo! Celebrate Mayonnaise!
With the distinct lack of comments, updates have been slow coming.
Does anyone really read this anymore?
I would hope with over 12,500 hits someone would be, yet it seems like no one ever does. Oh well, I'll just talk to myself. Not like an accusation of insanity would ever stop me.
So here is my latest set of things:
Solving the federal deficit in one easy swoop:
Tax Vitalis. You know that nasty smelling hair stuff all the guys in power use in their hair cause their fathers did in the 50s? Tax it and as the base consumption of it drops that should free up more oil reserves. How do you know the plan is working? Watch for more men with the /Executive Hair/ to start having bad hair days. Too much snow on the roof, his brain is in danger!
Conversations with my motorcycle.
Yes, my bike and I seem to have these odd little conversations. No the bike does not actually talk back in English to me, but it does make its feelings well known. Let me give you an example. All the bike comments will be enclosed so bear with me.
Wow, bright sunny day. Let's go for a ride! (I don't wanna)
Oh come on it will be fun! (No I don't wanna)
Now, you have gas and your battery is charged. You should at least start. (Alright, but your not gonna like it…*vroom,sputter,die* See?)
Oh come on! (I just wanna stay here.)
No, we are going for a ride. I have tools and I am not afraid to use them. (I need oil...My valves are out of adjustment)
Okay you need oil, fair enough. Your valves are not out of adjustment, we did that last time and they don't go out of wack in less than 3 miles. (Fine, I’ll start, but I wanna smoke)
Alright you big sissy, smoke for a while, but it is not any good for you. (My brakes hurt)
Dammit no the don’t! I rebuilt them last week. (I want a drink of water)
You’re an air-cooled engine for craps sake, you don’t need water! (Fine..if your going to be that way about it.)
*vroom (cloud of smoke, choke the kids across the street) thump thump thump*
(There I’m at idle now...Happy?)
Nope, we are going to go for a little ride.
(Oh bloody hell! Lay off on the oatmeal pies will you, mate? You’ve got more ass on me than a mule team!)
Watch it bub, I’ll make you into a moped. Besides how did you get the English accent? Your made in India!
(Oh, um..cause I am from the Raj. Yea, that’s it!)
Oh just go into gear dammit…..
Only an Enfield rider can appreciate this fully.
Till next time,
Be mindful and awake
(And perhaps leave a comment?)
Friday, May 5, 2006
Tuesday, April 4, 2006
The power of a word to inspire
This morning during my early and somewhat bleary-eyed wanderings about the net I began somehow thinking about Spam. Why Spam? Well, let us use the wayback machine here at MooseBase Alpha and I'll tell you.
See when we say Spam many people think about unwanted emails. While this has become an accepted term nowadays, used as easily as most any other techno-pirated term, I do feel to an extent it does a disservice to the real Spam. Many years ago I was given a can of spam by a friend (Barb over at Http:\\www.tigersandstrawberries.com) as a gag birthday gift. Well, this little can of Spam has now traveled many thousands of miles with me as almost a form of ritual token. Yes, it has flown and driven mass distances. Sometimes it rides on the dashboard drawing strange looks from passers by and other times it snuggles in a glove box or bag; it's aura flowing freely about the passenger cabin. Yes, the Spam has a light side as well.
Few people think about Spam as the glorious product that it really is. Did you know that there is a Spam Museum? How about the SpamMobile? Yes, there are 3 of them. Also there is a Spam fan club. In some parts of the world Spam is considered a delicacy and something served only to the most favored of guests. Amazing, but true, that Spam has received a presidential recognition for the role it has played in the winning of World War Two. Yes, that is right, Spam helped to defeat the Axis in Europe. Many a Nazi (Notice I said Nazi, not Naaazzy.) felt the sting of Spam produced here in the United States. Did the Hormel Corporation rest on its laurels? No! Spam has seen combat in Korea, Viet Nam, Grenada, Panama, The Persian Gulf and almost every theater of hostile action in the world. Many a time had the humble Spam repelled the great Red Menace during the Cold War years. Ever seen Ivan eat Spam? No! Because it was filled with the secret ingredient that gives Spam all it's power, freedom. No, it is not that jelly stuff that clings to the outside, I have no real clue what that is. But anyway, did you ever wonder why cans of Spam function just like a hand grenade? Have you ever seen the radius of destruction one single can of Spam can create? Nuclear Weapons are all fine and good but if you really want to scare the begeesus out of an enemy, consider dropping the big one: The Spam Bomb. We have it and we should not be afraid to use it.
(A small disclaimer: Spam is a registered trademark of the Hormel Corporation and is used here for comedic parody purposes only. All rights are reserved by their respective owners. Please do not send the weasel lawyers after me.)
(Another small disclaimer: I mean no offence to the noble weasel or its related creatures. Please do not send your weasel lawyers after me, as they are more frightening than the spam lawyers.)
See when we say Spam many people think about unwanted emails. While this has become an accepted term nowadays, used as easily as most any other techno-pirated term, I do feel to an extent it does a disservice to the real Spam. Many years ago I was given a can of spam by a friend (Barb over at Http:\\www.tigersandstrawberries.com) as a gag birthday gift. Well, this little can of Spam has now traveled many thousands of miles with me as almost a form of ritual token. Yes, it has flown and driven mass distances. Sometimes it rides on the dashboard drawing strange looks from passers by and other times it snuggles in a glove box or bag; it's aura flowing freely about the passenger cabin. Yes, the Spam has a light side as well.
Few people think about Spam as the glorious product that it really is. Did you know that there is a Spam Museum? How about the SpamMobile? Yes, there are 3 of them. Also there is a Spam fan club. In some parts of the world Spam is considered a delicacy and something served only to the most favored of guests. Amazing, but true, that Spam has received a presidential recognition for the role it has played in the winning of World War Two. Yes, that is right, Spam helped to defeat the Axis in Europe. Many a Nazi (Notice I said Nazi, not Naaazzy.) felt the sting of Spam produced here in the United States. Did the Hormel Corporation rest on its laurels? No! Spam has seen combat in Korea, Viet Nam, Grenada, Panama, The Persian Gulf and almost every theater of hostile action in the world. Many a time had the humble Spam repelled the great Red Menace during the Cold War years. Ever seen Ivan eat Spam? No! Because it was filled with the secret ingredient that gives Spam all it's power, freedom. No, it is not that jelly stuff that clings to the outside, I have no real clue what that is. But anyway, did you ever wonder why cans of Spam function just like a hand grenade? Have you ever seen the radius of destruction one single can of Spam can create? Nuclear Weapons are all fine and good but if you really want to scare the begeesus out of an enemy, consider dropping the big one: The Spam Bomb. We have it and we should not be afraid to use it.
(A small disclaimer: Spam is a registered trademark of the Hormel Corporation and is used here for comedic parody purposes only. All rights are reserved by their respective owners. Please do not send the weasel lawyers after me.)
(Another small disclaimer: I mean no offence to the noble weasel or its related creatures. Please do not send your weasel lawyers after me, as they are more frightening than the spam lawyers.)
Saturday, March 4, 2006
I knew eventually it would become clear.
So I was checking through the trash bin in my email program, where out of 250 some odd messages more than 200 went this morning and I saw the header of an email that made it all too clear to me.
See, there are these spammers out there. If you didn't notice by now, you do not have email. Now consider this, all they need is to hook you on one thing and then the rest of their junk suddenly seems worthwhile. There are drugs to lower cholesterol, a drug to counter the effects of that drug. You will need another to counteract the side effects of that one, which may cause weight gain, and so on and so forth. I think you can see the trend.
Today though was different. They caught and held my attention for almost 30 seconds. Then luckily I snapped back to reality. What, pray tell, did the message header say?
Complimentary $500 Gift Card to Krispy Kreme or Dunkin Doughnuts
So close...so very close...
Till next time,
Be mindful and awake.
See, there are these spammers out there. If you didn't notice by now, you do not have email. Now consider this, all they need is to hook you on one thing and then the rest of their junk suddenly seems worthwhile. There are drugs to lower cholesterol, a drug to counter the effects of that drug. You will need another to counteract the side effects of that one, which may cause weight gain, and so on and so forth. I think you can see the trend.
Today though was different. They caught and held my attention for almost 30 seconds. Then luckily I snapped back to reality. What, pray tell, did the message header say?
Complimentary $500 Gift Card to Krispy Kreme or Dunkin Doughnuts
So close...so very close...
Till next time,
Be mindful and awake.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Oh, can I use the Black Sabbath tune royalty free now????
Your results:
| You are Iron Man |
| Iron Man | 85% |
| Green Lantern | 70% |
| Spider-Man | 65% |
| Hulk | 60% |
| Robin | 57% |
| Batman | 55% |
| Catwoman | 40% |
| Superman | 40% |
| Wonder Woman | 37% |
| Supergirl | 37% |
| The Flash | 35% |
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Comment becomes a rant
Make sure that you read Barb's Tigers And Strawberries for the context I am drawing from.(Look over on the right, it is in the perm links)
Okay, since I have some coin to spare, let me toss in my .25 cents on this.
Do the people of his home planet think Adam Weissman is some kind of genius? Problem number one I have is the "vegan lifestyle" relies on many falsehoods. Being vegan in ones eating can be a matter of choice, personal ethics, or medical necessity. Fair enough. But when you try to shove it down my throat, your in a for a fight. These people seem to forget that if a farmer is not "commercial" in his use of machines he then uses either horses or an ox to plow. Some call this animal exploitation. I call it smart. Developed brains usually make smart choices. When brains begin to rot from being fed garbage, they become "Freegans". I can lay fairly good money that there are almost 0 farms in North America that use human powered plows, no matter how ecologically sound and earth friendly they might be. I also find that there are a good number of these people have no need to be the way they are but do it not out of some want to be part of an actual effective movement. Basically, these pathetic schmucks need to belong to something; if it was not this they could just as easily be Nazis loose in the back alleys of America. Don't think so, then think again. Extremism in any form can be dangerous. Best to seek the middle path.
Next lets move on to this whole idea of hunter-gatherer groups being the "Golden Age" of mankind. Hello? Mr Freegan-psycho who expounds the bunny hugger idea of this mythological never-never land. Then let us start with the first part of the name: HUNTER. My ancestors did not evolve to become great hunters by stalking the wild asparagus. Nor did they evolve the abilities in tool making so they could track down and kill the free-range radicchio. Don't forget that your ancestors did the same thing. How many 3 or 4 th generation vegetarians do you know of? This is something in general brought about by the modern advances in farming. We, as a species create things like language, art communication and something that I find lacking in a large amount of the extreme granola earth-nugget: BATHING. Yes, of course, soap exploits animals and is a tool of the man. I am sure that somewhere there is a boardroom filled with people trying to plan the downfall of modern civilization by the development of better and more effect personal cleaning agents. Oh, and a word of advice, Patchouli is not a substitute for a bath, EVER. I have never seen a medical professional say to clean a wound using patchouli. It could have something to do with foraging in a dumpster. Now back to the hunter rant. I am not exactly sure but I do not recall anyone ever saying that killing an animal was exploiting it. That is using it for food, something completely different. Making it wear a purple mumu and do Ethel Mermen impressions is exploiting it. I wear a leather jacket. I have items made from bone. Let some 98-pound freegan get in my face about how I am exploiting animals and I'll prove to him what an evolved omnivore can do with a little herbivore. Course, I don't think they are vegetarians. See that would entail them eating just vegetables, so he would be an herbivore. They eat garbage, so that makes them scavengers. I don't eat scavengers. Doesn't mean I wouldn't give one a smack up side the head. Maybe two, if it were funny. Yea, the leather is from an animal. So is the attitude. Deal. I am not recycling as that denotes using something for a second time. I myself think it makes more sense to use this effectively the first time. Why waste the leather if I am going to eat the meat? Give me a bone necklace to go with it and that should complete the ensemble.
Till next time
Be mindful and awake.
(And enjoy a hamburger)
Okay, since I have some coin to spare, let me toss in my .25 cents on this.
Do the people of his home planet think Adam Weissman is some kind of genius? Problem number one I have is the "vegan lifestyle" relies on many falsehoods. Being vegan in ones eating can be a matter of choice, personal ethics, or medical necessity. Fair enough. But when you try to shove it down my throat, your in a for a fight. These people seem to forget that if a farmer is not "commercial" in his use of machines he then uses either horses or an ox to plow. Some call this animal exploitation. I call it smart. Developed brains usually make smart choices. When brains begin to rot from being fed garbage, they become "Freegans". I can lay fairly good money that there are almost 0 farms in North America that use human powered plows, no matter how ecologically sound and earth friendly they might be. I also find that there are a good number of these people have no need to be the way they are but do it not out of some want to be part of an actual effective movement. Basically, these pathetic schmucks need to belong to something; if it was not this they could just as easily be Nazis loose in the back alleys of America. Don't think so, then think again. Extremism in any form can be dangerous. Best to seek the middle path.
Next lets move on to this whole idea of hunter-gatherer groups being the "Golden Age" of mankind. Hello? Mr Freegan-psycho who expounds the bunny hugger idea of this mythological never-never land. Then let us start with the first part of the name: HUNTER. My ancestors did not evolve to become great hunters by stalking the wild asparagus. Nor did they evolve the abilities in tool making so they could track down and kill the free-range radicchio. Don't forget that your ancestors did the same thing. How many 3 or 4 th generation vegetarians do you know of? This is something in general brought about by the modern advances in farming. We, as a species create things like language, art communication and something that I find lacking in a large amount of the extreme granola earth-nugget: BATHING. Yes, of course, soap exploits animals and is a tool of the man. I am sure that somewhere there is a boardroom filled with people trying to plan the downfall of modern civilization by the development of better and more effect personal cleaning agents. Oh, and a word of advice, Patchouli is not a substitute for a bath, EVER. I have never seen a medical professional say to clean a wound using patchouli. It could have something to do with foraging in a dumpster. Now back to the hunter rant. I am not exactly sure but I do not recall anyone ever saying that killing an animal was exploiting it. That is using it for food, something completely different. Making it wear a purple mumu and do Ethel Mermen impressions is exploiting it. I wear a leather jacket. I have items made from bone. Let some 98-pound freegan get in my face about how I am exploiting animals and I'll prove to him what an evolved omnivore can do with a little herbivore. Course, I don't think they are vegetarians. See that would entail them eating just vegetables, so he would be an herbivore. They eat garbage, so that makes them scavengers. I don't eat scavengers. Doesn't mean I wouldn't give one a smack up side the head. Maybe two, if it were funny. Yea, the leather is from an animal. So is the attitude. Deal. I am not recycling as that denotes using something for a second time. I myself think it makes more sense to use this effectively the first time. Why waste the leather if I am going to eat the meat? Give me a bone necklace to go with it and that should complete the ensemble.
Till next time
Be mindful and awake.
(And enjoy a hamburger)
Thursday, February 9, 2006
Words and playing by the rules
I was thinking about words. You know that we use them every day and from more languages than we can even imagine without a second thought.
English, in all its various forms, seems to be infiltrating every language there is out there. You find English in Russian, Chinese, French, and even more obscure languages. Walk up to a Masai and try to say hello in English and there is a good chance you will just get stared at, if one is willing to forgo the fact he may be staring at you just for being out in the middle of the Masai-mara without some sort of weapon. Oh, perhaps weapon is not exactly the most politically correct term. It is kind of inflammatory. How about "Anti-Lion Self Defense Device"? No, anti-lion is not real good either. We shouldn't be anti-lion as that is discriminatory and it pisses off the World Wildlife Fund. Oops, they are the WWF now; don't want to get them in a tizzy. Perhaps we should use "Anti-carnivore Attitude Adjustment Apparatus"? Sorry, there I go again with "anti-" something. How about "Pro-Life Saving Device"? Ooo, no good, bad track record with that wording. Let us try "Existence Assurance Apparatus". So you are standing in the middle of the Masai-mara staring at the 7-foot tall fellow. Oh wait, is tall a wrong term? Lets use "Altitude Gifted". There could be a problem with the word fellow. Let me try this again.
So you are in a generally vertical position in reference to the planet, near, but in deferential respect to the personal space of the 7-foot or 2.1336 meter altitude gifted being of indeterminate orientation personally but who is observationally generally vertical position in reference to the planet, near, but at a distance in deferential respect to your personal space, while you both assert respectfully your personhood, who is there, in relative observation to time/space, holding an existence assurance apparatus who may be wondering where your existence assurance apparatus is and why you are here in the general point of time/space and not in the more philosophical/religious formation of said question.
And you just said hello in English.
Welcome to the confusion that is my mind.
Till next time,
Be mindful and awake.
English, in all its various forms, seems to be infiltrating every language there is out there. You find English in Russian, Chinese, French, and even more obscure languages. Walk up to a Masai and try to say hello in English and there is a good chance you will just get stared at, if one is willing to forgo the fact he may be staring at you just for being out in the middle of the Masai-mara without some sort of weapon. Oh, perhaps weapon is not exactly the most politically correct term. It is kind of inflammatory. How about "Anti-Lion Self Defense Device"? No, anti-lion is not real good either. We shouldn't be anti-lion as that is discriminatory and it pisses off the World Wildlife Fund. Oops, they are the WWF now; don't want to get them in a tizzy. Perhaps we should use "Anti-carnivore Attitude Adjustment Apparatus"? Sorry, there I go again with "anti-" something. How about "Pro-Life Saving Device"? Ooo, no good, bad track record with that wording. Let us try "Existence Assurance Apparatus". So you are standing in the middle of the Masai-mara staring at the 7-foot tall fellow. Oh wait, is tall a wrong term? Lets use "Altitude Gifted". There could be a problem with the word fellow. Let me try this again.
So you are in a generally vertical position in reference to the planet, near, but in deferential respect to the personal space of the 7-foot or 2.1336 meter altitude gifted being of indeterminate orientation personally but who is observationally generally vertical position in reference to the planet, near, but at a distance in deferential respect to your personal space, while you both assert respectfully your personhood, who is there, in relative observation to time/space, holding an existence assurance apparatus who may be wondering where your existence assurance apparatus is and why you are here in the general point of time/space and not in the more philosophical/religious formation of said question.
And you just said hello in English.
Welcome to the confusion that is my mind.
Till next time,
Be mindful and awake.
Sunday, February 5, 2006
False Idols
So there I was, minding my own business as usual doing a little shopping on Friday in Wally-World and low and behold some schmuck in a Steelers jersey comments loudly to a friend upon parting "Have a Happy Super Bowl!" I almost barfed on the spot. To make matters worse, and I know saying this will piss off someone, the person saying it was a woman.
I'm sorry, ladies. I for the longest time thought of the football fanatic as the average post college frat boy who is a few cases of beer overhanging his belt. It appears that women can be sucked into the quasi-psychotic mania I thought was only reserved for the PBR-brain damaged males. I am wrong apparently and far enough removed from that end of the male gene pool that I can admit my failure with a clear conscience.
I have over time observed an almost religious fervor I football fans. Their team is awesome and your team sucks. Their god is the only one true god and yours is a false one leading you astray. And they can quote you the statistics as to why their god is so much better, going back to the inception of their universe at the formation of the NFL in Canton Ohio on September 17, 1920. There must be a special comfort in being able to pinpoint exactly the creation of ones universe to a car showroom on a single day.
Keeping with the whole religious motif, I have in a flash of inspiration come up with the new NFL-revised 10 Commandments for the Faithful Fan. Gee, I wonder if in 2000 years they will be having holy wars in my name? Who knows and more importantly, who cares?
NFL-revised 10 Commandments for the Faithful Fan
1 I am the LORD your God, you shall have no other gods before me. You shall avoid the CFL for they are an abomination.
2 You shall not take the Name of the LORD your God in vain, even when attempting to influence a win.
3 Keep holy the Sabbath day for games, playoffs and eventually the Super Bowl.
4 Honor your father and your mother by giving them the recliner and the remote, provided they are turning on "The Game".
5 You shall not kilt, nor shall thou go shirtless with painted fat in team colors. Rainbow afro wigs are right out!
6 You shall not commit adultery as this will cut into viewing time. Replay will only carry you so far.
7 You shall not steal for only the interception is blessed.
8 You shall not bear false witness. If you bet and you loose, pay up. Do not deny your faith in your team.
9 You shall not covet your neighbor's wife nor husband even if she is a cheerleader for a team or he has season passes.
10 You shall not covet your neighbor's goods for if your neighbor is a true follower they will invite you to watch "The Game" on their big screen home theater.
You know it might be a more interesting game to watch if they greased the ball and every other 10-yard section of the field. Maybe that is just my sense of humor, but it would be funny at least to listen to. "He's got the ball. He's on the 20, the 30, the 20, the 40, and the 30; he's in the stands and now sliding rapidly into the concession area, OH! Look at that popcorn fly!"
Till next time,
Be mindful and awake.
I'm sorry, ladies. I for the longest time thought of the football fanatic as the average post college frat boy who is a few cases of beer overhanging his belt. It appears that women can be sucked into the quasi-psychotic mania I thought was only reserved for the PBR-brain damaged males. I am wrong apparently and far enough removed from that end of the male gene pool that I can admit my failure with a clear conscience.
I have over time observed an almost religious fervor I football fans. Their team is awesome and your team sucks. Their god is the only one true god and yours is a false one leading you astray. And they can quote you the statistics as to why their god is so much better, going back to the inception of their universe at the formation of the NFL in Canton Ohio on September 17, 1920. There must be a special comfort in being able to pinpoint exactly the creation of ones universe to a car showroom on a single day.
Keeping with the whole religious motif, I have in a flash of inspiration come up with the new NFL-revised 10 Commandments for the Faithful Fan. Gee, I wonder if in 2000 years they will be having holy wars in my name? Who knows and more importantly, who cares?
NFL-revised 10 Commandments for the Faithful Fan
1 I am the LORD your God, you shall have no other gods before me. You shall avoid the CFL for they are an abomination.
2 You shall not take the Name of the LORD your God in vain, even when attempting to influence a win.
3 Keep holy the Sabbath day for games, playoffs and eventually the Super Bowl.
4 Honor your father and your mother by giving them the recliner and the remote, provided they are turning on "The Game".
5 You shall not kilt, nor shall thou go shirtless with painted fat in team colors. Rainbow afro wigs are right out!
6 You shall not commit adultery as this will cut into viewing time. Replay will only carry you so far.
7 You shall not steal for only the interception is blessed.
8 You shall not bear false witness. If you bet and you loose, pay up. Do not deny your faith in your team.
9 You shall not covet your neighbor's wife nor husband even if she is a cheerleader for a team or he has season passes.
10 You shall not covet your neighbor's goods for if your neighbor is a true follower they will invite you to watch "The Game" on their big screen home theater.
You know it might be a more interesting game to watch if they greased the ball and every other 10-yard section of the field. Maybe that is just my sense of humor, but it would be funny at least to listen to. "He's got the ball. He's on the 20, the 30, the 20, the 40, and the 30; he's in the stands and now sliding rapidly into the concession area, OH! Look at that popcorn fly!"
Till next time,
Be mindful and awake.
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