Tuesday, January 20, 2004

What a weekend....

What a weekend indeed.



We went to Columbus for an SCA event of some magnitude. A friend was getting /elevated/ into one of the peerage orders. She dam well has earned it. Out of the blue, I hear that another old friend from our group is being elevated as well. That is so cool for both of them. But, I have to say at the same time it does bear a certain amount of sadness with it. Most, if not all of the people I started with in the SCA are now going to be or are already peers, Laurels, Pelicans, or Knights. I would say they have all earned it, sometimes in spades.



Okay fair warning, I am about to vent.



The one thing all but one of them share in common is they have left. With this shire, that is not an unusual thing. We are based in a college. Big turnovers are to be expected. Me, I have been here over a decade, even when you take out the time when I withdrew from the SCA for personal reasons. Part of me is pissed a bit at feeling like I have been overlooked. Most of that comes from location. I would also say a good bit of it comes from my bad attitude. Or at least what I see as my bad attitude. I do not play politics, nor do I suck up to anyone. I am me. In the society I am Eidiard. Period. I love what I do, but there is part of me that wishes for the recognition of a peerage so I could try to make it a little better for the next generation. There is quite a difference between Joe Schmuckly saying something is wrong and Master/Master/Sir Joe Schmuckley saying it. Part of it as well I can honestly say is pride. I think that is one of the hardest realizations I have come to. In truth, it does hurt. It makes me wonder if my priorties are all screwed up. Most likely they are. Or it makes me question what am I doing wrong? Still, I do in a sense feel left behind. It makes me ask, why do I do it. I know deep inside why, I will get to that in a moment.



How do I see myself? Many times through the eyes of the others in my shire. I am looked to for advice and solutions when problems arise. When things are tough, I am looked to as a leader. Why? I do not know, but it does happen. If I lead somewhere, they follow. It is quite odd for me, I am not used to it. I hope I never will be to be truthful. When one becomes complacent in a leadership role, they loose focus and the ability to see things around them. When one is not among the people, how do you know how they will think and react? I see this with a lot of peers in the SCA, removed from the majority of the people, moving within the peerage circles and not getting out there and getting their hands into things. Leadership from on high is not leadership; it is a dictatorship.



Now back to the question why do I do it. It is not an easy one to answer directly. Maybe a few examples would be good. We had 10 of us that went to the event this weekend. The way back was ice everywhere. It was nasty and going to get worse as we headed home to Athens. Somehow I ended up in the lead again. I made the decision we should lay over in Lancaster at a hotel room for the night. It seemed the smart thing to do. So, we went to the Holiday Inn Express and I got us three rooms for the 10 of us. Everyone had a warm bed. Silly I know but I wanted to make sure everyone was all right. Yea, it was not cheap, but a little talking got us the best deal one could hope for in the situation. I talked with one of the people who went with us early the next morning and she commented about the cost. I could only reply I felt better about spending the money on the hotel rooms then having to spend 50 bucks on flowers to send to a funeral for one of us. To me it made sense. Perhaps it was a way for me to protect myself from possibly feeling guilty for pressing on. Perhaps it was survival instinct. Who knows? But all 10 of us got home safely. That is what mattered most. I was under no real obligation to anyone but I felt I had to do something. So I did. Jefferson once said evil flourishes when good men stand by and do nothing. I believe myself to be one of those good men who do not stand by.



One of the members of our shire was without garb due to a change in plans. Judi took her out and outfitted her with some basic garb from the merchants and then came back to me to try to justify the money spent. I told her I did not care about the money, but did she look good in it. She said yes and that was all that mattered to me. That is why I do it. I had another member of the shire come up to me and say the fatal words - I am bored. After a few minutes of questioning I found out she was interested in learning something new. So I went to the merchants and grabbed a lucet shuttle and a roll of cord, sat her down with someone who I knew had a great deal of knowledge about it and let her go. When she asked what she owed me for it, I told her that I never mentioned money and to not insult me by trying to pay for it. She seemed a little shocked. I did ask foir a yard of finished cord for one of my medallions when she had figured it out. Sorry, but when I give someone something I do not expect them to pay me for it. I remember what it was like when I was new and things were tight money wise. There was no one there for me. Now before you thing it is just a matter of me spending money let me relate another story to you. We have a new woman in our shire that had expressed an interest in learning to fight. I said no problem; let me see what I could do to help. A short time later I came back to her and told her I had asked a female fighter of some great knowledge to help her train as a favor to me. She did not know how to react, but in my own mind, that may be the make or break point for a new person in the society. Those points come for every person, we just have to recognize them and act when they become clear. I made sure everyone ate and had fun at the event. I have told Judi I am the self appointed shire Minister of Fun. Making it fun for others is how I find my fun. That is why I was a marshal for so long. That let other people have fun while I took over the work part. I always looked at it as a way of paying back all those marshals who stood there for me when I started and let me fight. It is also why I encouraged others to become marshals or whatever, to keep the fun rolling for each generation. That is why I do it. To see that smile they get when it is fun. I cannot turn away when someone asks my help. I just cannot do it, no matter what it takes. It is something deep inside me that will not let it go. Does not matter if it is standing guard, carrying things, manning a broom, telling a story or just being a sympathetic ear.



I doubt anything will ever come of this writing, but it does in a way make me feel better to vent, even in a virtual way.



Part of me in shy and perhaps a bit ashamed about how I feel about these things and says do not post this, but another part says put it up. So I will listen to the part that says post, even though I may regret it later. Do me a favor and do not ask me about this. I do not want to talk about it any more. Maybe this is my way of trying to put this behind me.



Okay, end of venting, my head hurts.



Till next time, be mindful and awake.



Saturday, January 3, 2004

It's mine..all mine!!!!!

Alright, so I went a while without an update. Big deal, it was the holidays.

There was work, lots and lots of work since my partner was in Colorado. Least he had a good time there so it was a good thing.



Let me tell you what I got. It is a sure sign I was /VERY/ good this year!



Yea! It's a 2004 Royal Enfield 500ES Millitary.

To put it lightly, it ROCKS!

Today I passed my exams for the motorcycle license, got an 80 percent so I was pleased. So, if you see what looks like some demented messenger out of WWII movie, your not seeing things. It's me!

Unloading it from the semi was a treat. If it were not for The Fish, Daniel and Jax, I would have been stuck up the preverbial creek. Thanks again everyone, hope the pizza made up for it in some way.

And last but not at all least a very BIG public thank you to Judi for such an awesome present!

MY SWEETY GOT ME A BIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



There, I am better now....





MY SWEETY GOT ME A BIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Can you tell I am enthused?

Anyway, more later as this saga I call life moves on.



Till next time, be mindful and awake.