Many are those who advise on writing in any style. They give sage advice on the construction of prose beautiful and words dramatic. They inform of correct form and of function. They wield the red pens of spelling doom. They impart wisdom such as "Just write."
To those wised ones of literary Olympus I have two words: "Fuck You".
I wish I had a penny for every page of Microsoft Word I had opened and closed without one word being typed on it. Long are the total hours of frustration while it was just me staring at the white page. I offed that little paperclip prick a long time ago. I hate smartasses that don't know anything useful. I cannot abide useless people, even digital ones. Some of us must be inspired. Sorry, but that is the truth. I do not feel alone in this as I have historical precedent to back me up. One must be in thrall of the Muse some times to allow the words to flow. Other times we suffer the pains of mental constipation. Ideas and words wanting to move, yet being blocked by so much shit. Sometimes it is our fatal enemy distraction that drives the words back into our mists of thought. Just a quick email check, I'll just follow this one link, I'll just check on thusandsuch. Boom, idea dead gone, compost.
Sometimes the thought has yet to become firm, like some half set room temperature jello. It kind of wiggles and is kind of soupy at the same time. Words, not full sentences. Thoughts without that something. Incomplete ideas.
I ask myself questions like why do I write. I come up with many answers. I look at them harshly and throw many of them away as being convenient or just trite. I write to share. Not just stories but ideas and concepts. I want to make people blow milk out of their nose or noodles if milk is unavailable. I hope to make us look at each other and laugh a little bit and then laugh at ourselves even more. With laughter comes happiness and with that comes wisdom and enlightenment. I learned to tell stories from my family. We have a long tradition of storytelling and general bull ability. I think it is genetic. If you doubt that ask my friends who have met my Father and or my Grandmother. They can tell you honestly.
It's not my fault, I was born like this.
Till next time,
Be mindful and awake.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Holiday drift
Holiday drift
Happy Turducken Day.
If your confused about the well wishes, just wait. It gets worse.
I was reading in my friend Barbara's Blog "Tigers and Strawberries" (Look over to the right, she has one of the honored and available for the right bribe coveted perm-a-links)about food magazines. She referred to a group of people known as "Foodies". Sometimes they come off like Fundies, but at least they will feed you much better than a fundie. Still I digress yet again. The subject was food magazines and how "Foodies" have favorites and ones they revile as crap. So, I started to consider, with my love of food and cooking; dare I ask the question "Am I a Foodie?"
I considered the question carefully. I am not a rabid follower of any cooking school or dogma. I create and I eat. I learn from others and not so much from books. I enjoy leading in the kitchen as well as following. I subscribe to no cooking magazines. I may look at a cover when I walk by, usually in the same way one looks at an accident as you drive by, even if you really do not want to. I do not find garnish to be a necessity. Yet in many senses of the word I would say I am a foodie (notice the change in capitalization?) but not a Foodie. I consider myself more like the wandering cook, wok strapped across his back with a sign that says "WILL COOK FOR RECIPIES".I prefer trying to get to the heart of a dish, not seeing what I can make with special expensive equipment. Good wok, good knife, good food. I find this more of a path inline with my nature as I seem to have problems with organized anything. Usually involves too many people saying and not enough doings. There must be doings!
Today is Thanksgiving, the incredible mutant holiday.
What you say? Someone sent us up the cranberries?
Look, at one time to have anything but turkey on thanksgiving was basically a stoning offence and do not mean Jay and Silent Bob style either. Woo Hoo, suff dat messed up steroid shootin chicken with da cronic! Catch a buz and feed the munchies at the same time, BONG!
So anyway, then the thanksgiving goose crept in slowly and was accepted. Then the venerable cured ham, provided it was wearing a pineapple hat. I think Dole is behind this one, I remember one year they suggested putting pineapple in a turkey. It didn't catch on so they went for the pig; you know all ethnic Hawaiian and stuff. Okay so now we have turkey, goose, and then ham. Not too odd, but again they were not done. Some cracker came up with the idea of cooking the turkey in a peanut oil fryer. Next year, they shove a can of beer into the poor birds nether regions and cook it. Okay, people with way too much time on their hands. Then it comes, unleashed upon America and then the world: The Turducken.
See it works something like this: take a boneless turkey, a boneless duck and a boneless chicken. Then stuff the chicken into the duck and then the two of them into the turkey. Tur-Duck-En, get it?
So here is where I begin to have problems. First of all what type of sick wierdo says "Hey, lets stuff a chicken up a ducks ass! Yea! And then we can stuff that up the ass of a turkey! Groovy!" Food should never seem to be the result of a bizare tractor trailer accident. Be thankful there was not an ostrich anywhere around when this got started. I am also excited at the exclusion of a hamster from this list.
See, this is a prime example why to not do drugs. I have yet to see anyone take a boneless goat, stuff it into a boneless pig and shove that up the backside of a boneless cow. I think there would be some serious repercussions from not only the pork lobby but remember that the majority of the beef ranchers are well armed. The reason I think there has not been a larger public outcry over this is no one knows where all these boneless animals are raised nor who is responsible for engineering
them in the first place. I mean who come out and says, "Yes, I am a boneless chicken rancher. No, we don't use horses to wrangle them, we use a Zamboni. It is much simpler..."
Till next time,
Be mindful and awake.
Happy Turducken Day.
If your confused about the well wishes, just wait. It gets worse.
I was reading in my friend Barbara's Blog "Tigers and Strawberries" (Look over to the right, she has one of the honored and available for the right bribe coveted perm-a-links)about food magazines. She referred to a group of people known as "Foodies". Sometimes they come off like Fundies, but at least they will feed you much better than a fundie. Still I digress yet again. The subject was food magazines and how "Foodies" have favorites and ones they revile as crap. So, I started to consider, with my love of food and cooking; dare I ask the question "Am I a Foodie?"
I considered the question carefully. I am not a rabid follower of any cooking school or dogma. I create and I eat. I learn from others and not so much from books. I enjoy leading in the kitchen as well as following. I subscribe to no cooking magazines. I may look at a cover when I walk by, usually in the same way one looks at an accident as you drive by, even if you really do not want to. I do not find garnish to be a necessity. Yet in many senses of the word I would say I am a foodie (notice the change in capitalization?) but not a Foodie. I consider myself more like the wandering cook, wok strapped across his back with a sign that says "WILL COOK FOR RECIPIES".I prefer trying to get to the heart of a dish, not seeing what I can make with special expensive equipment. Good wok, good knife, good food. I find this more of a path inline with my nature as I seem to have problems with organized anything. Usually involves too many people saying and not enough doings. There must be doings!
Today is Thanksgiving, the incredible mutant holiday.
What you say? Someone sent us up the cranberries?
Look, at one time to have anything but turkey on thanksgiving was basically a stoning offence and do not mean Jay and Silent Bob style either. Woo Hoo, suff dat messed up steroid shootin chicken with da cronic! Catch a buz and feed the munchies at the same time, BONG!
So anyway, then the thanksgiving goose crept in slowly and was accepted. Then the venerable cured ham, provided it was wearing a pineapple hat. I think Dole is behind this one, I remember one year they suggested putting pineapple in a turkey. It didn't catch on so they went for the pig; you know all ethnic Hawaiian and stuff. Okay so now we have turkey, goose, and then ham. Not too odd, but again they were not done. Some cracker came up with the idea of cooking the turkey in a peanut oil fryer. Next year, they shove a can of beer into the poor birds nether regions and cook it. Okay, people with way too much time on their hands. Then it comes, unleashed upon America and then the world: The Turducken.
See it works something like this: take a boneless turkey, a boneless duck and a boneless chicken. Then stuff the chicken into the duck and then the two of them into the turkey. Tur-Duck-En, get it?
So here is where I begin to have problems. First of all what type of sick wierdo says "Hey, lets stuff a chicken up a ducks ass! Yea! And then we can stuff that up the ass of a turkey! Groovy!" Food should never seem to be the result of a bizare tractor trailer accident. Be thankful there was not an ostrich anywhere around when this got started. I am also excited at the exclusion of a hamster from this list.
See, this is a prime example why to not do drugs. I have yet to see anyone take a boneless goat, stuff it into a boneless pig and shove that up the backside of a boneless cow. I think there would be some serious repercussions from not only the pork lobby but remember that the majority of the beef ranchers are well armed. The reason I think there has not been a larger public outcry over this is no one knows where all these boneless animals are raised nor who is responsible for engineering
them in the first place. I mean who come out and says, "Yes, I am a boneless chicken rancher. No, we don't use horses to wrangle them, we use a Zamboni. It is much simpler..."
Till next time,
Be mindful and awake.
Monday, November 7, 2005
10,000 page views
WOW!
Ten Thousand. Wicked!
So either I have offended 10,000 people, or 10 people 1000 times or 100 people 100 times or 1000 people 10 times or just 1 person 10,000 times.
Anyway you look at it 2 things are true:
1) 10,000 page views is nothing too shabby
2) Somewhere someone is pissed off by this blog.
I feel my work here is done today :)
Ten Thousand. Wicked!
So either I have offended 10,000 people, or 10 people 1000 times or 100 people 100 times or 1000 people 10 times or just 1 person 10,000 times.
Anyway you look at it 2 things are true:
1) 10,000 page views is nothing too shabby
2) Somewhere someone is pissed off by this blog.
I feel my work here is done today :)
Saturday, November 5, 2005
Hello, dis is Muttley
I thought someone aught to put me in their blogs so I did it myself since Bryian aint posted in a month. He got all depresseded about the end of Robbins Crossing so I have been havin to wrestle with him on a regular basis to keep him movin.
A little about me:
I served a short sentence at the Athens County Dog Shelter. Bryian and Judi talked to the dog warden and got me paroled. I paid my debt to society so I am moving on with my life.
I try to help around the house as well as I can by being the trained alarm clock, cat gasser, couch anchor, lap warmer and litter box cleaner. The last one they say makes my breath bad but the dont seem to notice their own when they wake up. Whew! What do dem humans eat?
Anyway Bryian says I am partially for home security since I am at least part Rottwiler. Hey, aint dat racial profiling? He says I am also part cinderblock and that is where I get my stunning intelligence. I am about 30 pounds and growing. I am also about a year old. I like linux over windows. BSD to be exact, you know, brown snouted dog.
I like walks with Bryian and Judi when they have time and I love rawhide and cheese. But not together, I like cheese...ohh..cheese.
If you would like to send donations of cheese to me just give it to Bryian and Judi. I have them trained well enough now to bring all cheese to me. I do tricks for cheese. I sit up, stand and lay down for cheese. I also do impressions of the killer sharks at Sea World sometimes, snatching cheese from unwary finger. One the smell of curd gets in the air I sometimes go into a feeding frenzy, but am usually okay after the first few pieces.
Anyway, I am going to go snoot Bryian and see if he will do anything today. He already went for his bike ride, so maybe it is nap time.
Hope to meet you all soon,
Bring me cheese
Muttley
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