So there I was, minding my own business as usual doing a little shopping on Friday in Wally-World and low and behold some schmuck in a Steelers jersey comments loudly to a friend upon parting "Have a Happy Super Bowl!" I almost barfed on the spot. To make matters worse, and I know saying this will piss off someone, the person saying it was a woman.
I'm sorry, ladies. I for the longest time thought of the football fanatic as the average post college frat boy who is a few cases of beer overhanging his belt. It appears that women can be sucked into the quasi-psychotic mania I thought was only reserved for the PBR-brain damaged males. I am wrong apparently and far enough removed from that end of the male gene pool that I can admit my failure with a clear conscience.
I have over time observed an almost religious fervor I football fans. Their team is awesome and your team sucks. Their god is the only one true god and yours is a false one leading you astray. And they can quote you the statistics as to why their god is so much better, going back to the inception of their universe at the formation of the NFL in Canton Ohio on September 17, 1920. There must be a special comfort in being able to pinpoint exactly the creation of ones universe to a car showroom on a single day.
Keeping with the whole religious motif, I have in a flash of inspiration come up with the new NFL-revised 10 Commandments for the Faithful Fan. Gee, I wonder if in 2000 years they will be having holy wars in my name? Who knows and more importantly, who cares?
NFL-revised 10 Commandments for the Faithful Fan
1 I am the LORD your God, you shall have no other gods before me. You shall avoid the CFL for they are an abomination.
2 You shall not take the Name of the LORD your God in vain, even when attempting to influence a win.
3 Keep holy the Sabbath day for games, playoffs and eventually the Super Bowl.
4 Honor your father and your mother by giving them the recliner and the remote, provided they are turning on "The Game".
5 You shall not kilt, nor shall thou go shirtless with painted fat in team colors. Rainbow afro wigs are right out!
6 You shall not commit adultery as this will cut into viewing time. Replay will only carry you so far.
7 You shall not steal for only the interception is blessed.
8 You shall not bear false witness. If you bet and you loose, pay up. Do not deny your faith in your team.
9 You shall not covet your neighbor's wife nor husband even if she is a cheerleader for a team or he has season passes.
10 You shall not covet your neighbor's goods for if your neighbor is a true follower they will invite you to watch "The Game" on their big screen home theater.
You know it might be a more interesting game to watch if they greased the ball and every other 10-yard section of the field. Maybe that is just my sense of humor, but it would be funny at least to listen to. "He's got the ball. He's on the 20, the 30, the 20, the 40, and the 30; he's in the stands and now sliding rapidly into the concession area, OH! Look at that popcorn fly!"
Till next time,
Be mindful and awake.
Ya know, I'm a Steelers fan, and even I was flabbergasted by the "Have a Happy Superbowl" thing. Ow. I like to think I'm not that bad - even if it is my team that made it to those hallowed grounds. hehehehe
ReplyDeleteThen again, I was surprised to learn that the Steelers made it in this year, for I am a "fallen fan" and I must confess my sins of not watching the games for the past few years. You see, I found something better - a Life!
Grease those balls boys! Make the game that much more entertaining - and audience participatory to boot!!!! YEAH!!!
my favorite quote about football - "Interesting game, but it'd be more fun with swords" =]
ReplyDeleteWhen we have a defensive line of pikemen, I might be more interested heh
"Grease those balls boys!" Judi, I think we're getting into a whole different area here... lol Damn you, now I have a mental image. So much for getting more homework done... going to be thinking about greased balls for a good long time now. So much more fun to focus on than textbooks....
ReplyDeleteBut women into football isn't news to me. My Gram has been a Browns and Buckeye fan as long as I can remember. I dunno if she bothers with the superbowl or not, but she does get really into games - used to watch Bukceye games with a necklace made of buckeyes, a Buckeye sweatshirt, earrings... totally decked out in red and gray. I never understood the attraction myself. lol But she has fun with it.